Fallacy

I Was

Pondering over matters just now as usual and thinking thinking thinking and - Hey, it’s December already. 5 days to your birthday; 10 days to Xmas and 21 days to 2010. Was everyday worth it? I’ve lived everyday with a tad bit of zilch happiness ever since February. After February, it’s just never quite the same as before with you anymore. Things have got better, if everything that has been ‘better’ is the true epitome of better.

Was your everyday worth it?

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

widya:

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

Big Turn-off

Thank you for turning me on and then bringing me to the exact same block that you and her visited; Thank you for making what was a mere thought dashing past my mind come true. I had thought you were there before, given how familiar you seemed making your way around the area, with every step you took confident and very sure with every twist and turn… I should have known.

Can you blame me for being disappointed again? I really hate to say this, love, but you’re such a letdown today. How could you do this to me, in the name of lust? For all I know, you may have brought me to every single shithole you went with her, and God! how ironic! I was first to come and was with you much longer than anyone else you have had before, much less say her. You said you loved me more than anyone else; that I am the love of your life… But your actions today really just made me feel inferior to all the other girls you’ve had, despite knowing I really am everything more and more and evermore to you.

Maybe I am the letdown myself. Maybe I am the one letting myself down all the time, all this time, not you… Perhaps never you.

Alone lying beside the dentist this evening getting my braces fixed and everything, I was just occupied mentally and emotionally, part fantasising part hoping you’d be waiting for me somewhere around the vicinity to send me home after my dental appointment and you’d leave me a text to ask me to meet you at where you are so that we could go home together. Someone just slap me tight, because~ I really reckon I just imagine things too much. Goddamn but I knew you’d be so obedient to just leave and go home after you walked me to the dental clinic; Knew you’re never as sweet and romantic as someone I always hope you’ll sometimes be.

Nonetheless, straight after I got out of the dentist’s room, I pulled my phone out after ransacking for it in my very messy bag; anticipating, but only to be greeted by a blank screen: Zilch messages.

I was very sad, more disappointed than sad. I remember I kept asking myself in my thoughts to myself on the bus just now to Queensway, after the incident, why am I still doing this to myself knowing we’ve never been quite ‘together’ officially all these months? Why am I still holding on to you as if you are mine? You are mine, only to myself, but it’s not official. You’re just mine in my own world, but never mine in reality. And I just… I just truly realised it this late afternoon.

I’m sorry, but then again, no… I’m not very sorry. You should be the one who should be sorry for everything adverse that you’ve done to me, to my heart. And then again… I allowed you to have full access to my heart, no matter what outcome it may be. So goddamn it’s me again; It’s my doings again.

I am self-destructing.

I wish I don’t have to love you. I wish I’ve never knew you. But some truth behind those two sentences scream how much a big liar I am because a part of me still pulsates I love you; I love you always.

I am such a sad sad girl.